"Can't Sleep -- clowns will eat me."

    It's that time of year again, time for all us good Jews to come together and attone for our sins. Guilt plagues me often, sometimes for good reasons, other times for no reason at all. Sometimes the guilt is all in my head with no explanation. Guilt is a worthless emotion, that I know, yet sometimes it just hangs over your head like a storm cloud.

There are things we do in our lives to survive. Sometimes we have to kill someone, sometimes we have to cut family members out of our lives completely, sometimes it's running away from everything we know and are comfortable with and starting over fresh...things like that. Sometimes survival is all you can do just to get by. Sometimes survival is just some small, petty things: a white lie, a black lie, and downright, boldface lie. Nothing really hurts anyone, you just have to do it to get by.

Breathe in, breathe out.

This makes no sense I am sure. I just needed a venting space for a moment. All the bad things I've done in my world I feel horrible for, but sometimes you have to do things for yourself because no one else will help you.

No: I've never killed anyone, never robbed a bank, never kicked a homeless guy, nothing like that. But I've avoided paying things because of not having money. And I've had to lie just to survive at times. My sins are small in comparison. It's just hard sometimes when you are struggling in your world to get by. The head gets cloudy. You start each day with a "this is going to be a fresh start" attitude, and then BOOM! Something gets screwed.

Each day is a brand new day. I am trying really hard with that.

Fin.